THE REJECTION PROTECTION CLUB: SENSITIVITY

Welcome back to the REJECTION PROTECTION CLUB: a monthly blog that will take a broad but focused look at issues which arise from high-functioning neurodivergence as well as considering novel ideas about a modern reconstruction of mental health and how we look at it. No matter whether you have been diagnosed with a specific condition or just feel that things work slightly differently for you, the RPC has a goal of both further destigmatizing our perceptions of mental health and also learning how to actually see differences in our lives.

REJECTION PROTECTION CLUB 

“SENSITIVITY”

CONSIDERING ITS ROLE IN MENTAL HEALTH

"I think the sensitivity that you need to create certain things sometimes would spill over into things that shouldn't have bothered me."

-Jack White

Welcome back to another installment of the Rejection Protection Club, as this month we will be discussing the idea of sensitivity.  

Of course we all know what this word means in a general sense, but for this approach we will focus on sensitivity meaning one’s specific experience in regards to how much sensation they experience in life, whether that be physically, emotionally, cognitively, or otherwise. We are all at completely different levels across all facets of life, and though this is plain to see in many cases, we tend to forget how true this is when it comes to more intangible ideas.

Sensitivity is also one of those meta situations that has a funny little catch-22 in the sense that the more sensitive one is, the more sensitive they are likely to be about that identity. It doesn’t help to see that most cultures have more negative perceptions of the concept than positive, and one of the main tenets of machismo or similar toxic masculinity ideals is to hide sensitivity in favor of looking tough, stoic, unflappable, or similar guarded appearances.

There are many good reasons that we would not present ourselves as vulnerable to be sure– there is good argument to suggest that it is far safer and smarter to err on the side of withholding over disclosure, and to suggest one should always be vulnerable is obviously not a wise way to proceed in most any situation.

But as is true of most things, the balance between ends of a spectrum is always an ideal target to try to find equilibrium around. Perhaps surprisingly or perhaps not, this is where our relationship with sensitivity may actually come into play.

THE MANY MANIFESTATIONS OF SENSITIVITY

Just to ensure we have clarity, we will start with some examples of what we mean by sensitivity. While some sensitivities may come with others, they are (as far as we can tell) still not directly connected. While a normal range of sensitivity does exist, it should be clear that any individual may fall either hypersensitive (feeling more than expected) or hyposensitive (less than expected) to any degree from the norm. 

Some are most obvious– Sensory Sensitivity is perhaps the most clear example we see. All humans have different tolerances for pain, temperature, touch, looseness/tightness of clothing, and so on. Anything which is a sense (touch, smell, sight, sound, taste) would logically fall under this sensitivity. Almost everyone can probably relate to having one of these areas that they are affected, though it is really only in recent times that the impact of these issues have been seen as connected to other functioning. Similar examples here would be food sensitivities and immunocompromise, a sensitivity of our own internal systems. 

Probably also obvious would be emotional sensitivity– as we well know, humans have wildly different responses to emotions, and further may have wildly different sensitivities to certain emotions within the self of a single individual. This is, however, where the generalization becomes too broad to see, as emotional sensitivity does result in the expected lower threshold to stimuli which can lead to many different manifestations, most with negative stigma. Hell, just to call someone “sensitive” is definitely seen as an insult at least as often if not more than it is given as a complement. But what is also considered emotional sensitivity would be the ability to read and perceive others emotions, which more times than not presents as high empathy and compassion for others. That’s right– sensitive people, for all they must face in social, cultural and emotional struggle, also by nature are more in tune with both their emotions and those of the people around them. 

Getting more abstract, we also can consider environmental sensitivity, or the hyperawareness that one has of the environment around them, of both obvious and subtle change. This may seem a little more familiar if we look to the animals we cohabit with– most of the species being much better than us– in how birds can migrate around the entire globe, how a camel can find water through hundreds of miles of fatal desert condition, how our dog can sense a storm before us. Humans too can have this internal sensitivity, and additionally most any human is going to be shaped to become more or less sensitive to the experiences they have growing up, for better or worse. And though components of emotional sensitivity may intertwine with this category, such as the ability to read microexpressions due to safety or trauma, environmental sensitivity may also be independent from the emotional. Those with high environmental sensitivity may also face scrutiny as living in such a logic and rationality based world as a concept without hard scientific proof can lead to others shaming or refuting the feelings that one may have. While it is obviously a nuanced and tricky thing to assess, there is absolute truth to the fact that some are more aware of their environmental shifts than others.

Finally, we can also say that there is a sort of social sensitivity which exists in a wide spectrum as well. By this I mean the ability to discern how our actions, behaviors, or ideas may be received by others, and how well we are able to recognize and adjust to this. This may be the most abstract, as the intersection with misunderstanding social rules and arbitrary differences in one’s culture as contrasted to their presentation has clear interplay, but is a sensitivity component nonetheless. Someone with low sensitivity in this area may find themselves in hot water in conversations, as the inability to ‘read the room’ can very quickly lead to conflict, awkwardness, embarrassment, and even ostracization for future. However,  this form of sensitivity also has a clear example of the other end where we can overdo the idea in people pleasing. The idea that this is a “soft” form of control makes more sense when considering that someone could, in theory, live all of life just trying to say what people want them to hear because they have the sensitivity to interpret that. A flourishing example of this exists in the between, as the most precise form of social sensitivity would be seen similarly to how a great coach would– knowing exactly how to respond in a way that is gentle and pushing based off of the understanding of how another may react. 

Though many forms exist, sensitivity can all be boiled down to one common thread: the ability to experience things at a more or less magnified level than average. And that is a hell of a lot cooler than seeing it as the inability to be tough. 

SENSITIVITY AS A GENETIC COMPONENT WITH MENTAL HEALTH

So here is an interesting if definitely overblown consideration– what if, instead of organized DSM conditions, what we consider to be our “psychological conditions” are actually just the manifestation of our many different levels of sensitivity? 

Now, if I bailed from all my talk of brain neurotypes being of utmost importance to understand then I would be comically hypocritical– scientifically, neurologically, there is more than just sensitivity. But what if our sensitivity levels had far more to do with how much our neurotype actually impedes our functioning or quality of life? Just from my own anecdotal experience, I’ve met people with autism who had such low sensitivity they did not even feel burning fire on their skin, and I’ve met people with autism who have such high sensitivity they must structure their lives around managing their low thresholds to stimulus. I have ALSO met people with autism that presented with zero sensitivity deviation, and those people, despite having autism, do not ever have to deal with the sensory issues so closely connected to the condition, which typically creates more opportunity and less barriers to that person living their fullest life. 

The idea of a genetic component to sensitivity is a new one, recent studies suggested that about 50% of sensitivity seems to be genetically inherited while the rest can be environmental. Genealogical advances like this one may not be ready to completely rewrite the schema of mental disorder, but it does open up a very interesting possible answer to the confusion that many have around diagnoses and why they present so differently. When considering environmental interplay, this is where things get a little too complex to reasonably fathom beyond the general idea– I would probably be more sensitive to noise if I did not grow up in a very loud family, but I also must not have an extreme sensitivity to noise because there is only so much this influence can have. It is unclear how to distinguish, but it is definitely clear there is a mix of both nature and nurture.

Furthermore, this can probably explain more why some people have very extreme and sometimes unmanageable responses to trauma, while others may have a very underwhelmed or even blunted reaction to the same situation. This also explains why some people describe ADHD “as a superpower” in most contexts and not feel too much negative deterring them, and others describe ADHD as “complete and utter hell” of an existence where any small issue completely derails the whole day. Same goes for the ability to conform, mask, compromise, and integrate with the world– while unfortunately we cannot see how sensitive another is most of the time, it is true that our sensitivities probably have far, far more influence on the way we act than we could ever realize. 

Perhaps in time, sensitivity will be the answer to why two humans can both have the same ‘level’ of neurodivergence condition despite one being almost entirely functional and the other struggling immensely. 

CONSIDERATIONS FOR SENSITIVITY

So what can we make of all this?

First and most importantly… is understanding that sensitivity is something which is pretty static within ourselves. Genetic, environmental, or otherwise, the sensitivity within us is not– DESPITE WHAT MOST OF US HAVE BEEN TOLD– something to override, but rather something to identify, accept, and manage. And let me tell you as a person who is highly sensitive and also very adamantly denied his sensitivity until about 25 years old: that is NO EASY FEAT! 

It is a little comical that we do see sensitivity as such as bad thing in this context when it is basically just a common sense fact of life in most other contexts. If you’re not sensitive to a meal you are cooking, it will burn. If you are not sensitive to the rules of your job, you will be fired. Even taking an extreme example such as the sport of football– throwing the ball, running with grace, tackling with technique are all HIGHLY determined by players’ sensitivity perception. The idea of being carefully attuned to get the best result is probably what most jobs are essentially demanding by saying they want someone “detail oriented”; why is it that humans that are more “detail oriented” to their sensory or emotional sensitivities are seen as ‘soft’, ‘weak’, or similar negative perceptions? 

Well, one personal opinion is that actually… most things seen as “TOUGH” are actually just extreme sensitivities. I don’t actually see the most anxious person in the room as the most sensitive– they are tough enough to express their feelings. I think the most guarded, vain, arrogant, or similar person in the room is the actual most sensitive– that person is so sensitive that they can’t even show their true feelings! Anyone who is threatened by another demographic having a “safe space” is actually just revealing that they are so sensitive that the entire WORLD needs to be a safe space for their comfort! If someone is unable to admit fault, it is most commonly because they are essentially so sensitive that they would rather be hostile or deflective than actually show an ounce of vulnerability. 

And to return back to vulnerability, yes, we must take heed and proceed with great caution when deciding how much we will disclose about ourselves. But when we are considering just the concept of being aware of our sensitivities, we would actually get much farther in life if we accept and work around them rather than continuing to, literally and figuratively, rub ourselves raw to the point of damage. If I broke my finger and decided to choose to type through the pain to be manly instead of accept it and just use voice translation… I’m really just further fucking myself over, no matter what I think others might see as tough or resilient. This example seems obvious, but is also the same idea of many complex emotional pitfalls which we find ourselves much more resistant to seeing this way. 

IN REVIEW

To me, one of the more puzzling mysteries within the parallels that can be seen between humanity and the nature around us has always been the lack of vulnerability seen in animal behaviors and the question of whether we, by natural law, are better off hiding our sensitivity. The logic makes some sense, and nature is more perfect than any human made system could dream of, after all. But then, taking a bit more of an abstract view, perhaps this is just looking at it from the wrong direction. 

Because plenty of animals have soft bodies and fragile appendages, and those are perfectly designed to give some kind of advantage thanks to their sensitivity. Mammals actually evolved fine hair and soft, warm blooded skin to attend to temperature sensitivity, a more precise adaptation than the scaly, tough exteriors seen in their ancestors of reptiles and fish and one that ironically allowed for them to populate all biomes unlike their scaled cousins. Large animals tend to be less aggressive because they to some degree have the understanding they are “tough”, but plenty of small and seemingly fragile animals more than hold their weight despite their potential vulnerability. What is sensitive or vulnerable in one situation can be genius and vital in another. It is ultimately only about whether the creature utilizes their strengths and weaknesses correctly.

As with anything, the key to maximizing a situation comes from accepting the limitations of whatever we are dealt, and finding the best way to utilize them. You can take it from me or probably most people with heightened sensation that sensitivity seems to have a lot more downside than benefit, but a deeper understanding of the concept does suggest that for all that feels wrong or problematic, without sensitivity we would not have access to all that we do enjoy and cherish, either. The reason I am easily dysregulated and can fly off the handle is the same as why I can be so empathetically understanding and calm around others presenting similarly. There are countless examples of how sensitivity can derail us, but ultimately it is sensitivity which gets us to the positive moments of life and certainly what allows us to appreciate them. A life with complete neutral sensitivity, that would be the life of a rock. And who knows! Even they may be more sensitive than we can comprehend. 

So whether you are a sensitive person, are not a sensitive person, find yourself drawn to or repelled by sensitive people, and anywhere in between, the goal is for this to expand the understanding of the condition. While there may be an emphasis on the positive aspects in this piece, it is also critical to understand the function of that is to also accept that we cannot really override the negative aspects, and instead must rework them. 

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