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  • Writer's pictureRebelWisdom

Addicted to External Validation

Addiction to the approval of others is exacerbated in our culture with social media and texting at our finger tips. Rejection feels akin to death and approval akin to survival. Our world is relative to our everyday experience and for many of us social media and texting are a big part of that. It creates a lot of instability due to its impersonal and uncertain nature. We need to create stability within ourselves because we cannot rely on external factors that are out of our control. 

I need to create a better relationship with myself, but I feel a bit lost as to how to do that. I know how to build relationships with others- honesty, transparency, acceptance, openness, affection, affirmation, support, loyalty. Are these the same components that will help me build a healthy relationship with myself? What are the barriers? In what ways am I not aligning with these values?

It is hard for me to accept my struggles with anxious attachment; I don’t want it to be my experience. Yet, I know that only by accepting this can I make helpful changes. My experience with anxious attachment leads me to want to “fix”, have answers, and make quick decisions to “solve the problems”. There is a sense of urgency that comes with anxiety, “figure it out now!” 

I hear you anxiety, I know you want answers and solutions; I want that too. I also know that rushing answers and solutions can limit understanding and therefore lead to ineffective decision making. Anxiety, I am asking you to trust me, we will be okay. Let me have more space and ease to deepen my understanding of my experience. The more we work together, the more you will see that we are on the same page. 


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